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Slimdown Saturday - The How and Why

Note- This feature touches on a lot of issues for me and may include what you consider TMI, whether physical or emotional.  Harassing comments will be deleted.

Lately Nichole and I have been trying to remind ourselves that Pretty Girl Science isn't just a nail blog.  We apparently had the same New Years resolution, to wear makeup more often.  She's doing way better than I am and has started a Look Of The Day feature.  I think I've clawed my way up to wearing makeup three times a month.  My other resolution isn't going much better.  I was going to get my eating habits back on track right after xmas.  That became March 29th somehow, and I weighed 227lbs by then.  That's about as heavy as I've ever been and seeing that number motivated me, for a while anyway.  I had lost 18lbs by May 23rd, but I've "relapsed" a few times and now I'm back up to 214.5lbs.  I'm starting this feature to try to make myself more accountable for my food choices.  I'll be posting about a variety of topics within a weightloss theme, probably weekly.  I'm doing this for me, but I hope it will inspire others to think about what and how they eat.

I'll be doing a variation of the Weight Watchers PointsPlus program.  I'm tracking my food, activity, and weight using a third-party Android app called WWDiary.  Please see the disclaimer at the bottom of this post for more information.

I've done Weight Watchers programs or variations several times in the past and they work better for me than anything else has.  I'll explain more about my strategy in a future post.  The basic idea is a focus on low fat, high fiber, and moderate carbs.

I'll also be displaying my weight and progress in Slimdown Saturday posts with a MyFitnessPal tracker.  I'm using my March 29th weight of 227lbs as my start point and have the goal set at 175lbs.  I'm not firmly set on that (or any) goal and will see how my body feels as I go along.

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools
[note- This tracker updates with my current weight and may not reflect my weight if you're reading past posts.]

This part's harder to write about than the "How".  There are plenty of people who can look and feel good at any weight.  I'm not one of them.  I have thyroid, digestive, respiratory, and joint problems that are made worse by being overweight, so I don't feel very good.  I also have a bunch of weight-related illnesses in my family.  I don't want to be diabetic at 50!  It goes beyond that though...

I'll say it bluntly, just to get it out there.  I'm a compulsive overeater.  I've never been professionally diagnosed, but almost every description of the disorder applies to me and has for most of my life.  I have clear, painful memories of hiding Oreos in my bra when I was 12, so I could eat them alone in my room.  I repeated this so many times, in this cycle of food-related secrecy, shame, and disappointment that I've never really broken.  I'll write more about it in a future post.

Overeating isn't my only compulsion.  Buying nail polish also has compulsive aspects for me.  The results are completely different though.  When I buy 35 bottles of polish in a single day, I do feel a bit bad about it.  There's a guilt that dims the thrill and the beauty of what I've bought.  But then there's this gorgeous stuff and a distraction from my other problems.  Something beautiful comes from this compulsion.  The guilt is offset by belonging to a wonderful online community and owning hundreds of pretty little bottles.  I get so much out of it and there have been times in the past year that it was most of what kept me going.

Nothing good comes from overeating.  I can't hide the results or completely stop the behavior.  I can't even take a week off from it.  It's something I have to confront constantly.  Eating isn't optional.  This is why I'll never be one of those people who's ok at any weight.  People are always telling me that I'm not fat or that I look fine.  I appreciate it, but it doesn't help.  When I'm out of control, every pound outside of my 180-ish pound comfort zone is a reminder of failure, weakness, illness, compulsion.

Doing a Weight Watchers-style program is the only way I've ever successfully, and healthily, lost weight and kept it off.  I think it works because it redirects my obsessive tendencies.  I still fixate, but I fixate on my points for the day, my food options, etc.  I lose weight, people notice, and I feel a rush of satisfaction that's so much healthier than pigging out could ever be.

There was going to be a photo with this post.  There really should be, as a "before" to compare to my eventual "after".  We had a plumbing emergency, so my hair is dirty and I've barely slept.  No photo today!  If you feel that after reading this you must know how I look (even though it's really not directly about that for me), here's a photo from May 3rd.  I was about the same weight then as I am now...but I've gotten a haircut.  I'll have a current photo or two in next week's post.  ...and weightloss progress!  I can do this!

This blog is not affiliated with or endorsed by Weight Watchers International, Inc., MyFitnessPal, or canofsleep.  Weight Watchers and PointsPlus are the registered trademarks of Weight Watchers International, Inc.  WWDiary is entirely the property of canofsleep.  All uses of registered trademarks and related terms are for review and reference purposes only.  Use of the MyFitnessPal tracker is for illustrative purposes only.


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